Kiefer? I Barely Knew Her!

Join Chris and B as we take on our best noir personas, pop our trench coat collars, and investigate 1998’s “Dark City.” What’s worse than waking up naked in a tub with complete amnesia? Kiefer’s career options in 1998. We smoke up and walk down “Injected Memory Lane” while discussing the importance of watching the directors cut over the theatrical release, does individuality create sensuality, and does tuning get old when the realities of keeping a society fed and the rest of the trivialities pile up.

Join Chris and B as we knock back cartons of orange juice while watching 1999’s “Stir of Echoes.” What’s worse than finding out you’re unreasonably susceptible to hypnosis? Locking eyes with your kid’s not so imaginary friend shortly after. We smoke up and DIG while discussing the importance of resolving arguments during a supernatural encounter, peruse the tropes and anti-tropes the movie used with staggering effect, and ponder the possible pitfalls of profiting off paranormal powers.

Join Chris and B as we climb into our latex and hazmat suits in preparation for 1995’s “12 Monkeys.” What’s worse than repressing the memory of watching your adult self die when you were just a child? When you have the sad realization that the long and luxurious hair you had when you died was just a wig. We smoke up and move underground while discussing Bruce Willis's fondness for time loops, the speed at which advancements can be made when you lead with science, and develop a crazy but plausible theory that Dr. Railly was one of the scientists!

Join Chris and B as we skip down the riotous streets of Heavenly Haven while watching 1995’s “Judge Dredd” What’s worse than the overpopulation and oppression presented in this movie? Current times. We smoke up and look down the Lawgiver’s sights while discussing Judge Dredd is Demolition Man’s future, joke about the possible fallout after proving your innocence takes innocent lives, and consider the possibility that Rico wasn’t the actual bad guy.

Join Chris and B as we put in our mouth guards and prepare to download 1995’s “Johnny Mnemonic” straight into our brains. What’s worse than losing a chunk of your childhood memories? Paying $175 for an mp3 player that can only hold 12 songs. We smoke up and drop some metaphorical flaming cars while discussing Dolph forcefully bringing Jesus into your heart in new and horrifyingly imaginative ways, AI’s willingness to attempt blackmail before choosing violence, and how surprising it was to find out the Internet really is a series of tubes.
 

Join Chris and B as we make our assassin for hire sandwich boards while watching 1972’s “Lone Wolf and Cub.” What’s worse than being framed for “hoping” the shogun dies? Becoming a single parent in feudal Japan. We smoke up and walk down the demon’s path in hell while discussing the differences in western and eastern hero’s being “good guys” (glaring at you Mr. Seagal), baby cart plot armor, and the parallels between Bob’s Burgers “Hawk and Chick”.

Join Chris and B as we dawn our top hats and wooden stake bandoliers while watching 2012’s “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter.” What’s worse than the civil war being infested with vampires? The actual history. We smoke up and drop truth bombs while discussing Mary Todd and Abe’s inability to make obvious connections, Abe’s tendencies to choose violence even at a young age, and wtf horse fight… nuff said.

Join Chris and B as we relay the only story we believe about a man of will while watching 1995’s “The Usual Suspects.” What’s worse than finding out you scammed the most dangerous criminal alive? Choosing Biodome as your next role. We smoke up and trot down memory lane while discussing Verbal’s reputation doing more heavy lifting than his intelligence, the twist still hitting in spite of the sheer number of clues Brian Singer added, and we give an honorary badge to a Not Useless Baldwin.

Join Chris and B as we ensure our jump ropes are securely fastened while watching “The Conjuring 2.” What’s worse than being the ghost of a tired old man? Being the ghost of a tired old man who is also a sock puppet for a demon. We smoke up while the crosses turn upside down and discuss the prevalent theme of loss of innocence throughout the series, note that following sequel rules means breaking all of the rules established in the first film, and the realization that ghost hunters who aren't looking for proof of the afterlife are basically adrenaline junkies looking for their next fix.

Join Chris and B as we stare blankly at the 3 shells while watching 1993’s, “Demolition Man.” What’s worse than having a known terrorist and serial killer accuse you of wanton murder? Having such a shitty reputation they take his word over yours. We smoke up and dig under the surface to find old L.A. while discussing what it would take for a society to go from riots in the street to Cockteau’s utopia, point out how easily these sanctimonious assholes go feral, and confirm how this is an obvious prequel to Judge Dredd.